Tic-tac-toe and other games we play

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So today I want to ramble on (shortly) about game playing or role playing if you must. The games we play in life to get what we want. Jobs, significant others, material objects- that sort of thing.

In particular, the games or roles we play in relationships or in this case working up to relationships.

Recently, while discussing my lack of luck with the opposite sex lately, I talked to my best man friend (who since he’s bisexual has played both sides) about what it is I’ve been doing…wrong.

He told me the following:

1) guys don’t like too smart of a girl- they like to be the smart ones because they enjoy being in control and/or being able to pull the wool over her eyes

2) guys don’t like too bold of a girl- they want to make the first move; therefore, they like a girl with mystery

3) guys like girls who play hard to get, but not overly so- the chase loses it’s glitter if it’s impossible of a challenge

4) guys like BJs- yes, that’s the first time I’ve wrote that in a blog post- don’t shoot me

I’m assuming those “rules” don’t apply to every SINGLE guy out there, but I’m guessing the majority in some way or another.

Dating isn’t an easy task. There are apparently certain rules each sex should follow in order to get the ball rolling.

Perfect discussion for hump day, eh?!

C

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The ex is not a disappearing act

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Lately I have been thinking about my ex boyfriends too frequently. I don’t know if it’s because I miss/love(d) them OR if it’s because they are unattainable (whether it be mentally, physically, or emotionally).

The break-up between you and the now ex boyfriend wasn’t painful enough so they remain in our thoughts and possibly even our fantasies and torture the shit out of us. Or that’s how I feel.

My most recent (and most liked) ex boyfriends make appearances in my dreams, nightmares, and thoughts way too often. I never really remember the dreams about them clearly, but I know one thing. Or should I say, feel one thing- I know I miss them. That’s bad enough.

The last I heard they both have serious girlfriends and I am still single. Am I just waiting for a guy to come along that reminds me of one of them? Or am I just in a love rut? Maybe both?

Do ex boyfriends really ever leave our minds? Or are they doomed to haunt us forever?

Right now, it feels like the latter.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD! Pretty please.

C

Zodiac Signs- what’s the big deal? Or just another rant…

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Okay, so I have quite a few friends who are totally into the whole idea of zodiac signs and horoscopes and all that jazz. I will admit, I do and can get into it most days because I find it fascinating at how on point some of the descriptions can be.

However, I do not think they are powerful enough to truly tell us who we are, what we like, our strengths and weaknesses and so on. Yes, I believe people have traits in common depending on when they are born, but only to an extent. I think nature and nurture play major parts in who we are as a person.

I am a Libra. Apparently, this is supposed to be “my” month. Or whatever.

I do have one trait I’d like to rant, rave, and discuss today.

I have been realizing this more often each day and I don’t particularly like it.

 

I am obsessive.

 

I don’t mean I have OCD and want to clean everything all the time or touch doorknobs 5 times before I can leave rooms.

I am a little different than that. I am obsessive when it comes to people. Not the stalker way, but just the way that includes (but is not limited to) asking MANY questions that most people wouldn’t ask in certain situations and wanting to be in control of as much as I can be. Now, I am more than 50% sure if you read my blogs on a semi-regular basis that you have ALREADY witnessed this. I do not hide it well (unfortunately).

Case in point #1- men. I feel for them because they get the majority of this trait of mine. And my closest friends.

I realized yesterday how bad I can get. I even had my ex boyfriend call me insatiable. I am insatiable, which isn’t good when it comes to finding or keeping, I should say, a boyfriend. Or boy toy.

Don’t you hate when you have a realization about yourself and you don’t like it… at all? Like it pisses you off because you are unable to control that part of yourself.

My realization: I am super picky when it comes to men because I have high expectations/standards that not many can fill and even though I know NO ONE is perfect and never will be it does not help me lower them in any way. Which then leads to myself enjoying the “chase” and when I do find a guy who has been caught in my web, I can’t seem to want to keep them. I end up losing interest for some reason or another and let them go…almost every single time.

Which is why my ex called me insatiable. If you don’t know what that means, I’ll inform you. It means to “never be satisfied”. Rough to accept.

SO! I will either be single forever OR have to somehow talk myself into lowering my standards and just chill. Or a knight in shining armor will come along and be (almost) everything I want in a significant other and we will live happily ever after.

 

A girl can dream…

 

C

The blogging blues

Well I was waiting to write another post until I had something EXTRAORDINARILY interesting to talk about but it seems that’s not going to happen.

So…I guess I could tell you about the 2 failed dates I’ve been on recently. They weren’t exactly train wrecks, but a walk in the park is far from the truth.

When you meet someone, there’s a lot of things that happen. Two very important ones are the following:

Attraction.

And

Chemistry.

Two MAJOR and even mandatory qualities a successful relationship needs. Neither of which existed for my dates.

When I meet a guy, I first notice if he’s attractive or not. If he is, then I give him a chance and see how his personality is. If he’s not attractive then I wait and see if his personality makes up for it. Sometimes I find myself being drawn to them by both, sometimes I find myself being drawn to them by neither which then makes me stop and realize it’s something entirely different- desperation and/or loneliness.

Desperation- to feel a warm hand holding mine, a gentle hug or arm around my shoulder, or even a kiss.

Let me stop and say right now that desperation is a DANGEROUS thing.

It can trick you into thinking you actually like a person when in fact you only like the IDEA of them or what they may do for you.

On my dates, which were spaced weeks apart, I realized I could be just desperate to not be lonely anymore. Sad I know. Cry me a river.

Once I realize this I shut it down. Period. The end. No one (not even players) like feeling lead on. I know I don’t.

No matter how bad a date goes we mustn’t lose hope! I haven’t. Yet. Even though on my last date a bird pooped on me. Romantic, right?

At least that date didn’t try and rape my face. With his tongue. Just awful how guys think that will win a girl’s heart. I won’t even go into that.

Well that’s all the news that isn’t.

It’s hump day!

C

Reversing my dating luck: step 6

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I will never understand men.

Never. Ever. Ever…

Just when I think I have a clue, I don’t and start back at square one.

Therefore, I am no longer going to try and chase the guy. All the texting, flirting, confessing I do doesn’t seem to help.

I’m finally taking my friends’ (multiple) advice and am going to let HIM chase ME. It will be hard since I like being in control and having every little thing planned at all times.

Just quit trying. That’s all I need to do.

It’s the easiest and hardest thing I’ve ever had to try.

I’m an impatient, stubborn, eager, determined woman. This should be a breeze. NOT!

Which is why I said “try” instead of “do”. Even though I’m defying Yoda.

Shit.

One of the benefits? I’ll never feel pathetic and/or needy. That’s a plus.

I think my quest for reversing my dating life/luck is about to be over.

C

Communication is key

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Before I share my thoughts on this topic, I just want to cover all my bases and point out what I’m about to discuss does NOT refer to ALL men so don’t get offended because I’m not necessarily talking about YOU. And it is NOT an angry post- just energetic. 🙂

Okay, having said that…here goes.

I, and probably millions of other women out there, would love to know why guys are so furiously hard to read. It’s like they’re a jigsaw puzzle from hell where only some of the puzzle pieces fit and there’s only 495 pieces instead of 500.

The funny thing is, when I’ve mentioned this to guy friends, they tell me “we are actually easy to read” or “simple”.

Stop. No. Neg-a-tive.

You’re about as “simple” to figure out as a calculus equation and everyone knows how horrible I am in that department.

Guys— Have you ever tried to get a direct and truthful answer from a guy when it comes to matters of the heart? Unless you’re gay or otherwise interested in men, I doubt it. And I’m not referring to “guy talk” either.

Do you like me?

A. “maybe”

B. “we’ll see”

C. “kind of”

D. “possibly”

Seriously, what kind of answers are those?! It’s easy…

A. YES.

B. NO.

Trust me, if the answer is “no” then that’s fine, we WILL get over it. Yes it’ll sting a little bit, but it’s easier to deal with than the “maybe”s, “possibly”s, or “we’ll see”s.

Here’s what I’ve come in contact with several times since I entered the dating world: (you may recognize some or all of them, ladies)

A) You text me out of the blue after not speaking to me for a couple months then YOU set up a day and time to hang out with me then POOF! You cancel due to “unplanned work related circumstances”. I know you have a stressful job, but it seems pretty convenient for that to happen on the night you invited me over.

B) You put your hand on my back or stand a little too close to me when we obviously aren’t cramped in some small broom closet of any sort. There’s plenty of room by me, scoot over bro. Even if I may like it.

C) You call me pet names like baby, sugar, sexy. Yes, they can be cute depending on when you use them and make me feel special, but not if you call all of your other girl “friends” those. My name is _______. Period. The end. (Unless otherwise specified.)

D) You flirt obviously enough for others to notice. Other males to notice for that matter, yet you claim to “not be able to tell when girls flirt with you”. Or claim to not like me. Then stop flirting!!!

Why can’t you either stop all of that nonsense or tell me you like me? I won’t get down on one knee and propose to you. If you think women are like that, the majority of us is not. I have many gal pals and NONE of them have ever proposed to their man when he finally said “I like you” or even “I love you.” Crazy, right?

-I’ve actually had to tell my ex boyfriend that at 1 point or another. The part about if he says he’s into me, don’t get scared because I’m not proposing. Yep, I did. He had commitment issues. Obviously.

You either need to back off, act like a friend (no touching, flirting, etc.) or step up to the plate. Women don’t have time for games. We are (among other things) biological ticking time bombs looking for our soul mates -not for some kid pretending to be our man.

I don’t think men understand (or even care sometimes) how much they hurt and confuse women on a daily basis.

I mean, yeah, I understand some guys are shy and/or quiet (so am I), but it’s okay to let us know in the form or fashion that YOU’RE most comfortable with that you’re into us or not instead of leading us on.

The technology we have these days makes it pretty damn easy to share your feelings without even seeing the other person’s face. HELLO?! Welcome to the 21st century! Ever heard of a telephone? Texting? Facebook? E-mail? Of course we would prefer the face to face interaction, but if we are really into you, we won’t care! Honestly.

In the past, I’ve been one of those girls that couldn’t say she wasn’t interested in a guy for the fear of hurting their feelings or breaking their heart.

I understand, really I do.

I’ve grown up since then and now I tell the guy if I’m into him or not when the subject arises or when he flips on his heavy flirting switch, instead of leading him on. I know how much I hate it; therefore, I do my absolute best to avoid doing it to others.

***However this does not make me perfect or superior in any way, shape, or form. Trust me, it took awhile to get to this spot. It doesn’t develop overnight.

If I can do it that means other women have been doing it; therefore, men are capable of doing it too.

So please spare us and see what happens when you tell us your feelings. You may enjoy the outcome.

C

Reversing my dating luck: step 2

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When we are lonely for companionship or whatever the case may be, we tend to get desperate a.k.a. going out with that guy from your yoga class who you can’t seem to figure out if he’s straight OR meeting that guy from the bar that looks like he could be the next Ted Bundy. I could go on and on…

When I say desperate, I particularly mean:

 

a) lowering our standards

and

b) lowering our expectations.

 

Why do we do this to ourselves??? There are plenty of other fish in the sea! (I despise that saying even if it does make sense)

 

Usually when I go down this dark road, I snap out of it just in time to see the dead end looming up ahead, but not everyone is so fortunate.

I know of women who are NEVER single. Literally. They break up or get dumped by their boyfriend then a week later (if that) they have found another guy who they just KNOW is “the one”. It’s like a vicious cycle that doesn’t end. I can honestly say, I am not that type. Thank goodness.

 

It’s kind of like Shallow Hal. Hal sees what he WANTS to see, which isn’t what is actually in front of him. I think we do that.

SO WHAT if he’s a fat slob and jobless- he compliments me and will get a gym membership and a job when we start dating. SO WHAT if he’s barely 5 feet tall and I can’t wear heels around him, once I fall in love with him none of that will matter.

 

Now of course I try not to be THAT shallow, but I do have my standards.

 

Instead of getting to that stage, how can we reverse it to where it either doesn’t happen at all OR flies by with a passing glance?

 

Here’s how (according to me, not some dating guru):

1) Surround yourself with friends and/or family (people you love and have good times with)

2) Make a list of all the things you can’t do if you had a significant other (trust me, the list is long and pretty awesome)

3) Hang out with people who aren’t in relationships and/or don’t talk about how their boyfriend or girlfriend is just “so amazing” 24/7

 

I’ve realized when I’m not around people who are “taken”, I feel better about that aspect of my life and myself. It’s not a constant reminder- “hey you’re single and alone!”

But it does help with not constantly reminding you that you’re single and, dare I say it, FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!

Didn’t think of that, did you?

My intentions of this post are NOT to discourage you from dating or getting a boyfriend/girlfriend in any way, it’s to help ease the pain (if there is any) of that tough in-between relationship stage.

So instead of laying around on the couch, watching romantic comedies, wishing you had a boyfriend as you desperately shovel ice cream into your mouth, you could be out having a blast with your pals and not even thinking about relationships!

It’s more healthy and less expensive since you won’t have to buy a whole new wardobe due to the weight gain from all of the ice cream and candy bars you’ve eaten.

 

 

C