Deprivation and douchebags

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I’ve noticed something:

A guy can either get cuter or uglier.

When you like a guy, he naturally becomes more attractive even if he isn’t really. When you seem to be un-attracted to a guy, he gets uglier each day. I think you either find more things you like or find more things you dislike.

A coworker of mine for example- when I first met him I thought he was a douchebag, which he can be very easily even now, but as I got to know him and talk to him, he slowly got more attractive. He’s not the typical hunk for sure. Think of a grouchy, grungy band dude. Or that’s what most people think of him at first. Including myself.

Just a funny thing I noticed today at work when every time I walked by this coworker of mine I wanted to rip his clothes off and jump his bones.

Maybe I’m just that…deprived.

C

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Tic-tac-toe and other games we play

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So today I want to ramble on (shortly) about game playing or role playing if you must. The games we play in life to get what we want. Jobs, significant others, material objects- that sort of thing.

In particular, the games or roles we play in relationships or in this case working up to relationships.

Recently, while discussing my lack of luck with the opposite sex lately, I talked to my best man friend (who since he’s bisexual has played both sides) about what it is I’ve been doing…wrong.

He told me the following:

1) guys don’t like too smart of a girl- they like to be the smart ones because they enjoy being in control and/or being able to pull the wool over her eyes

2) guys don’t like too bold of a girl- they want to make the first move; therefore, they like a girl with mystery

3) guys like girls who play hard to get, but not overly so- the chase loses it’s glitter if it’s impossible of a challenge

4) guys like BJs- yes, that’s the first time I’ve wrote that in a blog post- don’t shoot me

I’m assuming those “rules” don’t apply to every SINGLE guy out there, but I’m guessing the majority in some way or another.

Dating isn’t an easy task. There are apparently certain rules each sex should follow in order to get the ball rolling.

Perfect discussion for hump day, eh?!

C

Zodiac Signs- what’s the big deal? Or just another rant…

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Okay, so I have quite a few friends who are totally into the whole idea of zodiac signs and horoscopes and all that jazz. I will admit, I do and can get into it most days because I find it fascinating at how on point some of the descriptions can be.

However, I do not think they are powerful enough to truly tell us who we are, what we like, our strengths and weaknesses and so on. Yes, I believe people have traits in common depending on when they are born, but only to an extent. I think nature and nurture play major parts in who we are as a person.

I am a Libra. Apparently, this is supposed to be “my” month. Or whatever.

I do have one trait I’d like to rant, rave, and discuss today.

I have been realizing this more often each day and I don’t particularly like it.

 

I am obsessive.

 

I don’t mean I have OCD and want to clean everything all the time or touch doorknobs 5 times before I can leave rooms.

I am a little different than that. I am obsessive when it comes to people. Not the stalker way, but just the way that includes (but is not limited to) asking MANY questions that most people wouldn’t ask in certain situations and wanting to be in control of as much as I can be. Now, I am more than 50% sure if you read my blogs on a semi-regular basis that you have ALREADY witnessed this. I do not hide it well (unfortunately).

Case in point #1- men. I feel for them because they get the majority of this trait of mine. And my closest friends.

I realized yesterday how bad I can get. I even had my ex boyfriend call me insatiable. I am insatiable, which isn’t good when it comes to finding or keeping, I should say, a boyfriend. Or boy toy.

Don’t you hate when you have a realization about yourself and you don’t like it… at all? Like it pisses you off because you are unable to control that part of yourself.

My realization: I am super picky when it comes to men because I have high expectations/standards that not many can fill and even though I know NO ONE is perfect and never will be it does not help me lower them in any way. Which then leads to myself enjoying the “chase” and when I do find a guy who has been caught in my web, I can’t seem to want to keep them. I end up losing interest for some reason or another and let them go…almost every single time.

Which is why my ex called me insatiable. If you don’t know what that means, I’ll inform you. It means to “never be satisfied”. Rough to accept.

SO! I will either be single forever OR have to somehow talk myself into lowering my standards and just chill. Or a knight in shining armor will come along and be (almost) everything I want in a significant other and we will live happily ever after.

 

A girl can dream…

 

C

Reversing my dating luck: step 1

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So after my last post (and my last male interaction) I’ve decided to try to reverse my luck in the dating world.

In order to change something, you must first completely understand what you want to change. So yes that’s right, I must learn all there is to know about dating. Or as much as possible.

I’m old enough to know so this is a little embarrassing, but oh well I have no issues with being open about (most of) my flaws.

So there ya have it.

I’ve come up with a little list of critical mistakes women tend to make on a regular basis that, I guess you could say, detract men. I know personally because I’ve done them ALL before. More than once and I’m sad to say that could be why I’m single.

Before I tell you these, I’m warning you, they do sound a little pathetic.

1. Too much attention. Suddenly he’s just SO much more intriguing then he was a week ago when I didn’t realize I had feelings for him.

2. Too available. I could be at work or at school or with friends and any chance I get to text back or whatever, I take it. Mostly. It’s been 5 minutes since I texted him- what is HE doing?! Is he okay? Did he get in a wreck?

3. Too impatient. I don’t like waiting on the guy to make the first move and never have. That’s just me. Why wait around for him to contact me when I can just do it and get it over with? I gave him my number, but maybe I should text him first.

4. Too eager. You want to hang out 3 hours after we originally set up the date? Okay sure, I’ll push back whatever I had going on just for you. You don’t like sushi? Oh, well we can go eat at that restaurant I hate because I like you- no problem. You don’t like my hair long and blonde? Dang, alright I’ve been wanting to change it anyways. I hardly ever wear makeup, but you’d be crazy to think I’d go see him without it piled on. Uncomfortable undergarments? Check! Too bad if you have a permanent wedgie.

5. Too jealous. Suddenly since I think he’s adorable and sweet that has to mean every other female specimen that walks by does too. I don’t want him hanging out with any girls without me by his side because I know they will hit on him and steal him away from me.

6. Try too hard. Things don’t just happen on their own. No way! I should make them happen. Text him. Call him. Facebook him. Ask him out. Buy him dinner. Meet him at his place. Whatever it takes!

7. Too sexual. I know since he’s a guy he has to like sex so I’m going to dwindle that in front of him and do it with him to get closer. He had sex with me so he MUST like me. People told me to wait because it’d make me seem easy or he’d never call me again afterwards, but that can’t be true. He’s too nice. He must’ve just lost my number or broke his phone.

See how easy it is to twist our ideas, morals, and beliefs just so that we aren’t alone on date night while all our other happily taken friends go out on the town. Nah, it’s not just because of that. But damn we really do twist everything around and morph it into something it’s just simply not.

I call this what women are good at. Over analyzing. We make things so complicated in our heads.

He doesn’t like me?! That can’t be true! I’m pretty and funny with a good job. I’m successful. I have lots of friends. People like me. Well, of course they do and you are, BUT not every guy you like is going to return the feelings. You could be Gisele Bundchen or Megan Fox and some guy will turn you down or treat you like shit the same way a normal girl could get treated. Try and think of it as how you treat guys you’re not interested in. You can’t blame him!

C

Men vs. Women

Are men and women really that different when it comes to relationships?

When I was younger, I thought men were evil and women were the victims.

Boy, did I have a major reality check.

Men and women are capable of the same things in relationships. Men cheat. Women cheat. Men propose. Women propose. Men break hearts. Women break hearts.

Men aren’t always the bad guys in love stories like society seems to portray. Neither are women.

Looking back on my past “lovers”, I see that the sexes aren’t really that different. Women get upset with boyfriends and cry to their girl friends. So do men. Late night obsessing over how someone broke a piece of your heart? Not only a female thing.

It’s shocking how similar we are. I know, someone out there reading this blog is probably screaming and possibly throwing items at their computer screen but if you think about it, it’s true.

I’ve dated guys who were sensitive, clingy, and spilled their feelings like there was no tomorrow. I’ve also dated guys who filled the typical male stereotype. I’ll let you come up with the descriptive adjective(s) of your choice.

I think what it all boils down to is how we react to situations in relationships. Women (sometimes) lose their heads and scream while men (sometimes) completely shut down. Or beat the shit out of any other guy involved. Come to think of it, I’ve seen women do that too.

This small discovery makes me smile.

We can be just as aggressive as men while they can be just as sensitive as we are.

Just something to think about…

C

Lions, tigers, and bears

Why do men always say, “I don’t know what it is about you” in romantic novels right before they tell the woman they love them? To the chubby or bitter or poor or sarcastic or whatever kind of woman no less. I’ve read so many books lately where that’s the line men use. Do they use that as a pickup line to make the woman feel special and/or mysterious? I wouldn’t put it past them. The sad part is, it works! Or in these books I read it does.

Is that all it takes to snag a good woman? Or does it seem that many authors (a lot of them being female) are making women look desperate? When it comes to my girl friends and relationships, we seem to either be a) reluctant due to a disastrous past relationship OR b) eager due to a great past relationship. Why do we use our past relationships when being introduced to new ones? I am asking so many questions and not really giving any of my answers. I’ll begin now. I think…

1. Why do men always say, “I don’t know what it is about you” in romantic novels right before they tell the woman they love them? I do believe this is a pickup line some men use and it does work. Women love feeling like they are a one-of-a-kind find and this line makes them feel super special. It also gives us that sense that no matter how many feelings we show or weird things we admit, we still have some mystery left. I know that’s something I want to feel in a relationship. I don’t want to be just another girlfriend that looks like all of the others and acts like them too. I don’t think anyone does.

2. I just answered that second question with the first…

3. Is that all it takes to snag a good woman? No, that is NOT all it takes to snag a good woman no matter what books say. Women are full of nooks and crannies that need to be filled and/or discovered. The way I see it, women are like mazes and the men are the mice. They run through the maze, on the right track, thinking they have it all figured out then BAM! they hit a dead end and have to start all over. I will say, I have felt this way about men too, but from what I’ve heard my ENTIRE life is that women are the more complicated sex even though I have had a fair share of being very confused by men. So we share a lot of the same traits. Did I just shoot myself in the foot by saying that? Damn..another question I was asking myself. Anyways…

4. Or does it seem that many authors (a lot of them being female) are making women look desperate? Having read quite a few books lately, most of which were the romantic comedy type, authors do sometimes make women seem a bit desperate and easy. Anyone who knows the definition of a woman knows there is no “easy” anywhere in it. Sometimes we do get soft when we see a sexy shirtless guy with his muscles bulging, but I would bet that at least 50% of women would not just lay down and let him ravish her. Or maybe I’m wrong, but I hope I’m right for the sake of women. I’m not saying this would be an easy task if the sexy man mentioned above walked up to me and gave me one of those Hollywood kisses, but it is possible. Unless it was Ian Somerhalder or Hugh Jackman.

That’s a whole different story, but I will admit that I would not give them my “goodies” on the first date. Women, especially the bitter and bruised, do not swoon very easily no matter how attractive the guy is so all of those books out there being read by tween and teenage girls are just setting them up for a fairy tale ending that most likely doesn’t exist. Unless you’re Kate Middleton. So that’s totally not fair when they get out in the “real” world and discover most (NOT ALL) men are animals. Animals that are carnivores, but don’t have cute and cuddly tendencies like lions, tigers, and bears, OH MY!

5. Why do we use our past relationships when being introduced to new ones? I believe the answer to this question is simple. We don’t want to get hurt again. It’s a risky business out there in the dating world no matter how beautiful you are. I do think that we can sometimes set ourselves up for failure in a relationship by comparing the guy to our past boyfriends. That’s not fair at all, is it? Nope, but we still do it because we become bitter and guarded after that one man grabs our heart and squeezes it into a million lonely pieces. We can’t be completely guilty for that because it’s a defense mechanism. The human body has lots of those. In order for us to let someone new into our life and possibly hearts, we have to give them a chance. It could be Prince Charming knocking at the door and we will never know unless we answer it. They make think the same about us. That we are man-eating monsters much like the lions, tigers, and bears, OH MY!  Some women are, but a lot don’t mean to be. No matter how tough we look or act we have a soft spot inside, you men just have to work a little harder to find it.

I think I’ve answered all of the questions I asked myself. Yay me.

I’ve began to think we have completely let all romance fly out the windows. To prove this, I had to look up romance because I forgot what it meant exactly.

Ro-mance- (noun) “A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.”

Well that explains why the line men use about us being mysterious works…I’m no love or relationship guru, but I have had experience with it. Some good. Some bad. I am here to tell you that no matter how badly you’ve been heartbroken you will heal eventually and become the best person you can be. And wiser! So keep your chin up and answer the door when a possible Prince Charming comes knocking.

Until then…stare at Ian and Hugh. 😉

-Candice-