Reversing my dating luck: step 5

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You’ve heard of the “friend” zone.

Everyone has. It’s the dreaded zone that you are put into when the person of interest is:

A) not interested

B) there’s a circumstance that prevents you from dating each other

C) not interested

So basically…HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTERESTED if he’s not dating you. To me, love or even strong like will overcome pretty much any situation.

This has taken me years to figure out.

You may be wondering what “friend zone” are you really in?

The one that has “benefits”? Or the one that just means “I don’t want to date you, but I was too nice to say that so I used ‘friend’ as an excuse?”

Friends with benefits is a nice option. You get the steamy sex without the stress and drama of an actual relationship. And if you’re into the dude, you get to fondle and drool over him without being weird.

BUT— if you like him and he decides he doesn’t want to sleep with you anymore OR he starts seeing other women, that’s where the problem starts.

So unless you can completely handle that entire situation, I wouldn’t even try because (as I’ve learned the hard way) it will only hurt you. Trust me. Sex is great, but not worth getting your heart broken over.

What this all boils down to is can YOU really be his FRIEND?

Look up the definition of “friend” and get back to me.

C

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There’s bad then there’s disastrous

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The world of dating is a VERY scary place to begin with. Putting yourself out there is a ballsy move which I’ve bravely done many times just like billions of women do every day/all the time. I’m not a big fan of waiting.

What I experienced tonight wasn’t even a date and it was horrible. Actually, come to think of it, it was one of the worst times I’ve ever had with a guy I was romantically interested in. Yes, “was” as in past tense because I am definitely no longer interested.

No, I’m not exaggerating.

There are a few things I did that I shouldn’t have:

1. Broke my “no dating a younger guy” rule

2. Chased him instead of letting him chase me

3. Entertained the idea of dating a coworker

4. Assumed the guy in question picked up on my flirting and perceived his return flirting as romantic feelings for me

Those 4 things that I did sabotaged me from the beginning. I basically sabotaged myself in this situation. Yes, that sounds right.

I’m so embarrassed of how tonight (2.5-3 hours that we hung out) went that I’m going to spare you the details because it may cause you to slam your head into your computer monitor and/or keyboard repeatedly.

It was a disaster to put it mildly.

So learn from my mistakes because I sure did. That’ll be the last time I do any of those 4 mistakes again. Period. Especially all of them combined.

The end.

C

The right thing isn’t always the easy thing

The other day one of my friends told me about a rather interesting conversation she had had.

People’s ability to cheat and betray others they “love” always shocks me. I know there are evil people out there in the world, but it still shocks me.

Anyways…

 

My friend had gotten into this argument with a good friend of hers that lead to them not communicating for a few months. She finally decided that it was time to apologize and make things right. She doesn’t like to hold things like that inside. Before this unfolded, the friend’s boyfriend had contacted her and had told her he wanted them to make things right. She found it odd that he had randomly messaged her because they never talked when they weren’t around the friend/girlfriend, but she went along with it because she doesn’t like to assume things. Well…turned out nothing weird went on. At first.

She apologized to her friend and everything was fine. Luckily.

About a week or so later, the boyfriend texted her out of the blue. She thought it would be about the friend/girlfriend. She was wrong.

First of all, every time he talked to her he would always mention that she was gone or not around and that she shouldn’t contact him unless he talked to her first. We all thought this was fishy.

So he texted her and she couldn’t wait to let him know that she had apologized and everything. The friend/girlfriend hadn’t mentioned it to him at all. The boyfriend kept texting her and begging her to go hang out with him because his girlfriend (her friend) wasn’t going to be there one night. Of course my friend was like ‘no way that would be weird and even weirder without your girlfriend’s knowledge’. He argued that ‘it would be fine and that she would never find out’. Keep in mind that they’ve NEVER hung out alone or even talked without the friend/girlfriend being present.

I think anyone who reads that will think that’s the first sign of something being fishy. Fishy, as in, all you need  is a little mayo and mustard and you have a tuna salad.

…she continued to text him (it was completely innocent on her part) when all of a sudden he announced that he had to make a confession. She had an idea of what he was going to admit. I mean, seriously, all she had to do was put 2 and 2 together.

He admitted…”I always kinda had a little thing for you…” BA DA BOOM!

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There are a couple different ways someone could handle a sticky situation like this (all leading to VERY different consequences):

A) you could take him up on his offer (almost every girl thinks he’s attractive or so he says EXCEPT YOU) and possibly have a “fun” time BUT putting yourself at risk of being caught red-handed and never fully regain the friendship of the friend/girlfriend EVER again

B) you could stop talking to him cold turkey after letting him know what an ass he is for even suggesting something so absurd (how could you do THAT to a friend?! Especially one who has a baby with this guy)

C) be murdered- because that’s what would happen if this friend ever found out that you had snuck behind HER back with HER man- yes, she’s a little on the crazy side

My dear friend chose option…drum roll please…B.

First off, she let him know that he was NOT her type even if all other girls seemed to be attracted to him. Secondly, she let him know that it was a shitty thing to do to his long time girlfriend and child. Thirdly, she told him she could not talk to him that way. It was against all of her morals and just simply wrong in soooo many ways.

Plus she kept the conversation on file JUST IN CASE.

Of course after she shut him down, he started making up excuses.

I’ve been drinking..

I’ve never done that before..

Please don’t ever tell anyone!

And the best one of all… “I never liked you THAT way.

Blah, blah, blah.

Sorry man, busted!

Once you announce something like that and then get denied…it looks obvious and very pathetic when you take it back. Words can’t be taken back. They aren’t exchangeable or refundable. They are forever.

When she told me about this, I was flabbergasted. How could a guy who has a girlfriend and a beautiful baby do this? Yes, alcohol helps us do dumb things, BUT in the end it is still our option to go through with them.

Sorry (guy who shall not be named), you lose.

She has decided not to tell the friend/girlfriend because that would just lead to a bunch of drama. She simply chose to never speak to him again. I think she’s smart and handled the sticky situation awesomely.

Why men (and women sometimes) feel compelled to pull that crap is beyond me. I will never understand it. Sure, technically you’re single until you’re married, but still it’s betrayal!

 

On a lighter note, I have been so INSANELY busy with work and school that I have abandoned y’all and my book.

I am now a certified barista though. Go me!

Being a barista is a lot harder than we make it look to people on the outside. I was extremely stressed last week because I had finals. Only one, BUT that one was a tough b*tch.

I ended up studying for it 4 days total. Between work and school, I wasn’t able to study as much as I would have liked, but I still ended up making an A on it which was my goal. For some reason, ever since I started this school, I have made it my goal to make a 4.0 every semester. So far, I’ve done that. The day that doesn’t happen will be the day my life ends. Totally kidding! I will be doing my absolute best not to let that happen though!

 

Well, looks like the Easter bunny will be visiting many kids tomorrow. I talked to Mr. Bunny and he said he is super busy getting those baskets of goodies ready.

I unfortunately have to work 😦

Maybe I’ll get lucky and the Easter bunny will come visit Starbucks.

 

Okay, gotta go! Happy Easter!

 

C

Party of 5

A writer once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If this is true, which five people would you like to spend your time with?

I do agree with the saying that’s been around forever about “you are the company you keep”. It’s true. If you don’t do the same things they do, people will think you do just because you are associated with them.

During high school, I was the kid (at one point) that hung out with the stoners and drug heads. I can honestly say I did not participate with them, which now I wish I had because it seems hippies have A LOT more fun than the normal people who don’t mess with that stuff. But anyways…even though I didn’t do any of the drugs they did, people thought I did. Some of them anyways. It’s a sticky situation.

So having said that, I’ve learned to keep much smarter (and safer) friends close to my heart and side. Whether it be book smart or street smart, they are smart! And I love that. I’ve come to dislike stupid people. Mean, I know.

These are in NO specific order…the ones I know personally do rank higher than the ones that are diseased though…just FYI.

1. Anna- the best friend. She’s there for me no matter what and always tries to look at my gruesome situations as a glass half full. We agree on a lot, mostly. She (99.9% of the time) has wiser solutions to problems than I do.

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2. Cassie- the best friend. She was with me through thick and thin for half of my high school career. She is ALWAYS a positive thinker- unless it’s about an ex boyfriend or guy who treated me badly. Then she just wants to beat them up like a good friend should!

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3. Marilyn Monroe- the idol, basically. She never seemed afraid of anything. I want her confidence and love for her body. She wasn’t afraid to be different.

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4. Albert Einstein- the genius. If I had half of his smarts for science and math I wouldn’t have had suffered so much in all my years of dealing with algebra. Especially at the college level. It’s basically what threw me off of psychology.

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5. Barry- the father. He has loved me even at my worst like a great parent should. He helps me even if it means going without sometimes. I don’t know where I would be without him.

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Since I’m not good at math (without numbers especially), I can’t calculate exactly what the average of these people is. My party of 5 would make me: wise, optimistic, confident, smart, and loving. That’s a damn good mix if you ask me.

C

Practice what you preach

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve given someone that you failed to take yourself?

In my rather small lifetime, I have given tons of advice. Actually, I probably have failed to act on it most of the time.

I think the best piece of advice I’ve ever given was to let someone go.

It’s hard letting go of someone you really care about, but usually when I would give this advice it would be about someone who didn’t deserve to be held on to. Boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, family- you name it.

It would usually be when a girl friend would be asking for advice about a boyfriend that they loved so much, but that didn’t particularly love them as much or even love them back at all. To me, if that person (whoever it may be) doesn’t make time in their life for you then you shouldn’t make time for them. Now I know family is a little different with this because we are born loving our whole family no matter what, but actually this is the one I had the toughest time with. I won’t mention who it was (just in case they read this- they won’t), but it was someone very close to me. We had a stupid fight and she wouldn’t talk to me for MONTHS. There were reasons why, which I found needed to be let go of, but she wouldn’t until a couple months ago when a family emergency happened. I’m still not 100% over what happened because to me the outcome wasn’t fair- I apologized to them, they didn’t to me.

Some things you just have to let go of or else you’ll drive yourself insane, resulting in: depression, anger, sadness, distraction; all of which make you miserable and not the other person(s) involved who may deserve it. That’s what I try to tell my dad when he gets real upset about something he can’t change. It’s not making the other person or thing miserable- only you so why do that to yourself?

It’s HARD AS HELL to do. Trust me, I’ve tried and succeeded in other matters, but it’s worth it. It’s like once you stop caring the issue lessens or even solves itself out.

Next time I give that advice, I will indeed try my best to follow it for EVERY situation. It’ll be hard but worth it in the end. Kind of like the diet I’m supposed to be on right now. HA!

My Swedish massage teacher often tells us this quote from Yoda during class when we are bitching about a certain technique we can’t quite seem to master. “Do or do not. There is no try.”

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Time to get back to studying for tests and finals…booooooo. If you’re in college, good luck on yours!

C

Something different: Connecting my dots

I started following The Daily Post a few weeks ago and honestly didn’t read too many of them. I decided to change that today by actually blogging about a prompt they put up.

This made her smile.” For some reason, this sentence (taken from page 82 in Blood and Chocolate) gives me a romantic vibe. I don’t really like that because I’m not a very romantic person at all. In fact, when I was younger and had little boyfriends or you could say crushes and they would give me presents like boxes of chocolate or something, I would give them back. Now I understand the look on their faces when I did that. It was mean and insulting, but hey I was young and had no idea how that whole thing worked. Now I do.

So this sentence could either go like this…”The young woman had finally caught the eye of the stud next door. This made her smile.” OR…”The young woman had finally been chosen as the team’s head LMT! This made her smile.”

I don’t know. I kind of like the first one better because if one of my goals had come true then I would not only be SMILING, but also jumping for joy, screaming, smiling, telling everyone I knew, and so on.

If you think about it, there are a lot of things that make people smile. But what kind of smile is it? A genuine teeth-showing smile or a toothless smile (grin)? I guess I’ll assume it’s a teeth-showing smile. Am I over-thinking this too much? HA! Nah…

Things that make me genuinely smile:

1. food

2. when I win an argument

3. seeing friends

4. when my dad picks on me (I pretend to hate it)

5. when my mom calls me to talk (not rhetorically bludgeon me)

6. my dog

7. getting a text from someone you’ve been meaning to talk to

8. buying presents that I know that person will love

9. getting 100% on an exam

10. when someone tells me they love me

 

So I guess I am a sucker.

I can live with that…

C