No, I’m not pregnant.
Okay, glad I got that out of the way first.
Since I was about 10 years old, I’ve had some weird fear of kids. I know I sound like a crazy person. I’m really not- I swear.
But I have. I never grew up surrounded by little people, I grew up around adults. Minus school hours. I’m an only child. It’s an odd thing really. I’m not used to children. They intimidate me.
I know you’re thinking I’ve gone around the bend, I’m completely mad.
So getting to the point- I have moments where I get these heart wrenching feelings about being a mother. Yes, I’m a smart ass and sarcastic joker pretty much every day all day, but yet my friends tell me I’ll be a good mother. They say, “I can see you being a good mom.”
At first, this simple and flattering statement flabbergasted me! I was shocked. I’ve never babysat for more than an hour by myself. I’ve never been a mentor for any crowds of little kids. I have helped at vacation bible school once, but that’s about all. So…after the initial shock evaporated, I started thinking.
I have hardly any experience with children, but what if I would be a good mother?
I started thinking about that.
Deep down, do I really yearn for a happy family with 4 kids and a white picket fence? Maybe so…
Those are the moments that make me dwell. For so long, I’ve ran away from children and avoided them. Hell, I wouldn’t even hold them.
I must say, I am jealous of the women my age out there that are mothers already. I don’t want to be a young mother, but the joy their faces show looks amazing. Creating life inside of you? I mean, wow.
One day…if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.