When people are in happy, romantic relationships, it’s so easy for them to tell their single (and perhaps desperate/lonely) friends that the right “one” will come along, but when they go through a breakup they turn right back into the true cynic that they really are.
Do we truly believe the right “one” will ever come along or are we destined to remain pessimists who just hope they will find someone?
Life events happen that turn us towards both sides of pessimism and optimism.
You get your heart broken. You lose your job. You fail a class.
You fall in love. You get a promotion. You make straight A’s.
Can you only be one or the other?
I honestly don’t think someone can only be a pessimist or only an optimist. Even the most pessimistic people will feel a tingle of joy or happiness deep down inside when something great happens to them. Even the most optimistic people will feel a tinge of grief or unhappiness deep down when something horrible happens to them.
In relationships, whether it be friends, family, or romantic, I think there is a balance you have to create within yourself. You have to appreciate the pleasant times and grieve the tragic ones without dwelling on either of them. Once you dwell, you will focus too much on the good or the bad and when the opposite happens it will tear you apart more and more.
Throughout my life, I’ve gotten my heart broken just like everyone else. The people I turn to first? My best friends. Every time I stress to them that I’m either not cut out for the romantic life or just seem to attract losers, they always say “you’ll find the right guy when you least expect it” OR “he’s out there”. That’s so hard to hear. It’s nearly impossible to keep that optimistic mindset after going through a traumatic and heart breaking event such as the guy you love breaking up with you.
Why is optimism so hard to hear when we are down and out?
I have caught myself saying these things to my friends and I just want to slap myself. They (and I) don’t want to hear that when we are going through it.
Why can’t we be honest with ourselves and our friends and just say “you may never find the right guy for you”?
Because it’s depressing and pessimistic.
Is it in our human nature to naturally be pessimistic because we enjoy being miserable?
It seems to me that being realistic is easier to do even if it means being a pessimist. To stay positive all the time and never think negatively about a situation is unbearable. But so is thinking negatively all the time.
Are optimists getting their hopes up just to be let down?